Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Insomnia Sucks!

It seems to be that in times of high stress, I can no longer sleep. and it sucks. Adhd meds wear off as the day goes by, allowing my mind to jump from 1 topic to the next, and by the time I am ready for bed, they seem to race through my head at a ridiculous rate.

I have a great deal of work to do for my job right now and that is monopolizing my life... my thoughts... my time... It really makes it tough to relax, since I'm not the kind of person who can just shut down for the day. Xanax isn't even helping at this point... good grief.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A new year - A new pledge

So, we always make the same "resolutions" every time the ball drops. This my New Year's resolution was not to make a resolution. Instead, I am resolving myself to "monthly resolutions". You see, I think making a change - and only one change - per year is just a little too daunting of a task. In order for it to count, it has to be worthy of a once-a-year event. Maybe the average person can take on such a task, but not someone like me. A monumental task is just too much for my Adhd riddled brain. How can I accomplish a task that is virtually equivalent to Christmas when I couldn't even get my shopping done until Christmas Eve?

Now, a monthly accomplishment may work better for me. In January, my pledge is to take my neighbor up on her "handmade Christmas throughout the year" idea and ACTUALLY get together with her twice this month. We are going to start making gifts for our family that are handmade and from the heart. Had that been my New Year's resolution, I would have had to say "I'm making a handmade Christmas for 2009". Then, on Christmas Eve, I would be slaving away, trying to make something - ANYTHING - for my loved ones. It just won't work.

I also have to make an amendment to the whole idea of "resolutions" and make two for the month of January. We are facing a reduction in our income, and so, Resolution #2 is: I will not waste food. It's really unbelievable how many areas of ones life ADHD can really affect. It's not uncommon for me to throw away an entire refrigerator worth of food once a month, or once every other month. I struggle with the concept of buying food for the week, because when Weds. comes around, I don't feel like making what I thought I wanted to on Sunday. Inevitably, I run to the grocery store to buy something else, and the pot roast I was supposed to make turns green... with envy of course. I guess I was inspired by a book I found in the grocery store... you know why I found that book? Because I forgot what ingredients were in chicken fricassee and I was hoping to find it in any random cookbook I could find. My brain not only costs me time, but money as well. I [impulse] bought Cheap. Fast. Good! and started reading it when I got home... as my chicken fricassee cooked slowly on my stove. (YES! I actually read cookbooks.) Not a bad read... and it's mostly responsibly for my new outlook on my kitchen.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Ah... Christmastime...

Well, it has been entirely too long since I have written... but I'm afraid I won't be writing much today, with the exception of a few accomplishments.

In the past three days, I:
  • knitted a stuffed heart for a friend who just found out she needs a heart transplant,
  • put the finishing touches on a flower-shaped washcloth for another friend's brand new baby girl,
  • hosted Christmas dinner, and my prime rib came out perfect! An hour and a half early, but PERFECT, nonetheless,
  • made homemade marshmallows. y-u-m.
I'm sad that Christmas goes by so quickly, but I am glad it is over. This year was far too stressful... money, money, money. Our world just sucks right now. I sure hope all of that "Hope" and "Change" everyone (else) voted for pays off.

I'm too tired to write anything else. I will elaborate more on my recent happenings on a later date.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

ADHD, 4 kids and a full time+ job... is it possible?

One question I often get is: how are you able to work, if your ADD has you so unorganized and you're so easily distracted? Well, I think the key is finding the right job. I've been fortunate enough to just that. The most important part of the "Right Job Equation" is enjoying what you are doing. You see, people without ADD can have a complete lack of interest in what they are doing, but somehow they manage to get it done anyway. When ADD enters the picture, the things we hate doing just don't get done... There are so many other interesting things we can think of that we just don't want to waste our time on monotonous chores. If your job is monotonous, there is a very slim chance of success.

I am a report/business analyst for a very large company. The work I do keeps me challenged enough to stay interested. In fact, I often end up in a state of "hyper-focus" that allows me to fully concentrate on the task at hand and shut out the outside world completely... Which is why I have an email reminder pop-up and tell me it's time to go pick up the girls.

Computers are great for many people with ADhD. Actually, many people with ADhD often fall into the "couch potato" category because TV, computers and video games provide a constant source of brain activity, even when you are sitting on your tushie. If you're a fan of computers and struggle with ADD, I recommend looking into this field. I actually hated my first job so much, I taught myself database programming while my boss thought I was "filing". HAH! When I left, there was a stack 2 ft. high of papers that still needed to be filed. I felt a little remorse, but only a little.

So, for me, work is not an issue... I have actually excelled quite nicely in my company. Homelife, on the other hand, is a definite struggle. Once downfall to having ADD is overstimulation. When you put 4 little girls in a car after a long day of school it is quite noisy, to say the least. Loud noises from multiple sources can throw me into a tailspin within 30 seconds. Driving a mini-van helps disburse the noise so that it is not right in my ear... but the days I have to drive my husbands car are painful, to say the least.

ADD can be very hard on a marriage as well... Especially on the spouse. It is hard to comprehend the disease (and I really hate to refer to it that way) because you can't "see" it. My husband is a very neat, very determined and very thorough individual. Combine that with my disorganized, random and distracted self and it's a recipe for disaster. Throw in 4 kids, of which 1 is already showing signs that she's following in my footsteps, and every day becomes a battle. We've been trudging through for a little over 8 years now, and it's getting tough... but we're too very hard-headed people who rarely surrender and accept defeat, so I am trying to keep a positive outlook. Most days, anyway.

So, is it possible? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. Would I trade in my ADD for an easier life? I'm not sure. As with anything, it has it's good points and it's bad points. Having 4 kids probably wasn't the wisest decision... but I wouldn't change it for the world! Those girls are the brightest stars in my sky.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Random ADhD Thoughts

In the spirit of trying to enlighten you to inner-workings of an ADhD mind, I took a brief cruise through my house and [actually] paid attention to everything that I have started recently... or maybe not so recently.
  • There are 2 Christmas bulbs that I decorated with glitter that are waiting for the rest of their brothers and sisters to be "beautified". The remaining bulbs are sitting on a shelf near my desk.
  • There is a knitting project sitting next to me, and 4 others crying out to me from the depths of my closet. "Finish me next, Mommy!"
  • There is a pile of folded clothes on my daughter's dresser that I started putting away, until she needed help in the bathroom.
  • I found 3 "To-Do" lists with the same items listed, in an attempt to be prepared for the upcoming Christmas activities.
  • There are 3 stories on my computer that I have started writing with great intentions (and great storylines) that I just know would be "best sellers" if I could finish them.
  • In the same folder as the 3 stories are the beginnings of 2 business plans for my own company. I believe the last modified date on those goes back to early 2007.
  • To my right, I just noticed 3 photo albums from college that I was attempting to scan in and post to facebook.
  • There are many more, but this list is getting depressing.

If you could see the mental "folders" in my brain, you'd be even more scared. While writing this,
I was reminded of the following:
  • I have ideas for 6 different businesses or "sellable" ideas
  • I have an idea for a high school class that I would like to teach
  • I started my Master's in Education, but could not complete it because I couldn't take the time off of work to do the student teaching portion.
  • I have an idea for another book I would like to write.
  • I want to decorate my house for Christmas, but I keep putting it off because I want to "craft" it. I don't want to buy it.
  • My house is a mess right now, and I need to clean it.
  • I don't want to clean it.
  • I have 2 projects that I would like to create for my actual job, but I haven't had the time.
  • I have 4 "crafts" that I would love to produce and sell on Etsy...
  • I have to start making cookie dough for Christmas cookies...
  • I need to organize my closet & "mini-closet"...
  • ok... I need to turn off my brain now.
  • I want to teach my daughter a new beading trick I found... She has ADhD too... She wants to make beaded flower bracelets and sell them. She started last week... She has 4 flowers on the string.
  • I have a fantastic idea for a sociology experiment, but I would need Oprah Winfrey to be interested enough to fund it... I think she would love the idea, but how the heck would ever get to talk to Oprah Winfrey?
As you can plainly see, my mind is a scary place. The above list is no joke. That's why nothing ever gets done. Not only do I have a million ideas race through my head in any given moment, I have this crazy notion that everything needs to be done Martha Stewart style... a.k.a. Flawless, Beautiful and Perfect. Add the fact that I have FOUR GIRLS (3,4,7 & 12) and a full time+ job to my ADhD and the outlook for any of the above ideas is very bleak.

I wish I could hire a writer, an organizer, a babysitter, Martha Stewart and an investor. OK, I understand I would "hire" an investor, but you get the point. Why an investor? Well, my amazing business ideas would probably cost me millions to get started, because every idea that floats through this little brain of mind is way over the top.

A new knitting adventure

So, I've picked up the needles again and cast on some deliciously soft bamboo/wool yarn to knit up my "Scabbard". The minute I saw the pattern, I knew I had to start it. I'm a big fan of Stitch Diva Studios, but I have to admit, I rarely use the yarns they call for... I just can't spend $150 on 1 project... I'm substituting Sirdar Snuggly Baby Bamboo and I pray that I purchased enough! I'm pretty sure that I will probably run out, because that's just how things have been going.

I have to say, being an ADD Mom really interferes with my success on these projects. I have a beautiful tank ("Surplice Bodice Camisole") I started that I found in Knitting Lingerie Style, and was very excited about, over the summer. I'm about 80% finished. I put it down because I made a mistake in the lace pattern and didn't have the time to concentrate on fixing it. Needless to say, it's sitting in a bag somewhere in my closet. I just have to break down and take it over to the wonderful ladies at Knit N Knibble. I'm sure Caroline can rescue my poor project from a disastrous end.